cagayan de oro, Philippines
Friday, April 27, 2007,11:29 PM
Unexpressable desire?

I have been spying on a security guard in the fast food area of one of the supermarkets here in Cagayan de Oro for more than a year now. He isn't very good looking, but I find him very attractive. At first I just admired how his uniform brings out his butt, I can't help but look whenever he passes by. Then slowly, I started admiring his smile... His face, innocent-looking, he looks kind and gentle...

I always look at him, no! let me rephrase that, I always stare at him every chance I get; but since I am not out, whenever he is about to look my way, I turn away. I believe he never caught me... But last week, I don't know what came into my mind, I was in the fastfood waiting for a friend, when there he was, sitting right across me, reading something... I stared and decided that I would not turn away even if he lsaw me... And so I did, he looked up, and saw me staring, to my surprise he stared back, my heart began beating faster, I was nervous. Our eyes were locked as if communicating something for almost a minute, then my friend arrived. And I had to behave.

I went back the following day, but he wasn't there. I returned the day after, and he was there, but whenever he passed by me, he would always turn away. Or maybe I am just being silly...

Earlier today, I went to the supermarket. I looked at his usual spot, he wasn't there, but when I turned around, there he was. Walking in my direction, looking at me... Our eyes locked again for a few seconds, then he went back to his area... He passed by my table twice, once he talked to a friend and leaned on his friend's table exposing his butt, giving me a much clearer view of something that makes my heart go gaga...

When he, returned to his area again, I was in thought. Is he aware of what is happening, of what he is doing. Or is it just me? Is it just a wishful thinking? But there is nothing I can or will do anyway. But still, I transferred to a table near him. But there are so many people, I can't stare very long, it would be too obvious, i'd look at him every once in a while and sometimes, I think I see him looking at me too.

I received a text message, and I had to go. When I looked up, he wasn't there anymore, I stood to leave, a few steps before reaching a corner, he passed by, looked at me and smiled... and that's all there is for today... I left with this feeling inside me, like i'm a child with a crush on someone. With some butterflies in my stomach...

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by: leo
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