And yet another story on what could be a case of homophobia.
Even if I am still in the closet. I have for some time, been suspected of being gay by people around me. My last girl friend (Yes, I did have a girl friend, who I fell in love with, and cared for so much) would even say that her friends thought I was gay, and that she was hopeless for falling in love with me. But even so, no one dares ask me, or talks about those suspicions in front of me because I am to be respected. I am not one to joke around with, I am the serious type, the intellectual type (at least that’s what they think, I know otherwise.) I know that people suspect me but I couldn’t care less. I only care about what my close friends think. I am also a bit feminine, in a way. I love cooking and I take good care of my friends, those that I value. And at the moment I am taking up HRM.
I have a friend I met in college. I’ll call him Scorpio. We are so much alike, we like the same music, he’s also considered an intellectual, quite serious, moody like me and his gender has also been questioned by some people I know. He is still a virgin at 23, and first girl friend was when he was 22, I guess that was also the time he got his first kiss. I could say that this is because of his high standards.
Some people says he looks like Frank of the powerboys, or maybe Tom Welling of Smallville, from a certain angle he could look like Dingdong Dantes. And yes, I had a crush on him. I befriended him on purpose, but after getting to know him, I valued the friendship and thinking that anything homo- might destroy the friendship, I got over the tiny crush.
There was a reunion. I was a bit surprised when I got there, he seemed to be avoiding me. I know him well enough to see that he was not in the mood. So I kept my distance. The party went on and not once, did he talk to me. He was asleep when I left, I texted him, apologizing for leaving without waking him, and asking if he was avoiding me, and why.
He replied, that some of the guys had been teasing him to me. Saying that I am gay, and that since I had an LQ with my partner (I was not talking with one of my closest friends, but that’s another story) I was going after him. He said that the people just wouldn’t leave him alone and that he didn’t like being teased to me. He says he knows I am not gay, but it bothers him to be teased to another guy. That maybe to avoid such comments and stories, it would be better if we avoided anything that might make people conclude that it is true.
Let me explain that the people in our batch are quite used to being called gays, bitches and whatever. When there are school presentations, the guys would wear skimpy outfits and dance like queers just for fun. And during the time this happened, other guys were being teased with one another. He was being teased to me because, we were kinda close, and when drunk and joking around, a couple of my friends and I would comment on how good-looking he is, how luscious his lips look when he is drunk, ‘na nakakabakla siya’.
The issue didn’t reach me during the reunion though, as I said. I am not one to be joked around with. I do the joking around, and when people see that I am in a good enough mood then they might find enough courage to tease me a bit. But oftentimes, no one would dare.
It took him a few months before he started texting again. But then, he got a job and became busy with work. So the texting has again ceased.
I think his reaction is a sign of homophobia, and I think he is one of those who suspects my sexual preference. I asked for a copy of his graduation picture, at first he asked why. I explained that I collect pictures of friends and that I got pictures of almost everyone. He said he’ll give me a copy but he never did. Maybe he believes that I am gay and he thinks his image would be stained when linked to a gay guy.
Or maybe, just maybe… He is doubting himself, that anything, even the smallest talk of something that might lead to questioning his sexual preference scares him. I remember once, he asked as if deep in thought, “why there are gay people? what makes them gay?” I recall asking these questions myself once. But them again, so did a straight friend.
I am not judging him or anything, it’s just that a reaction like that from a simple tease indicates something deeper. I care for him, and I wish him happiness. And I hope that he finds a solution to whatever caused that reaction. So that he may live in peace, without being so afraid of being associated with anything gay.
Labels: homophobia, Scorpio, stories