MGG once had a post on HOMOPHOBIA Among Gay People. A number of readers commented and one of them thought that discreet gays are the ones who hate the effem types, as it gives a negative notion on being gay. While another one labels discreet gays as self-hating gays who are deep in denial.
Being “inside the closet” myself I would have to disagree, not all discreet gays are self-hating, and not all of us hate the effem types. I happen to have some effem friends. I believe even the effem type can have homophobia, some of them may even hate the discreet gays, labeling them as dishonest people.
I agree with another reader who said that it begins with self-acceptance. Once you accept yourself and learn to respect who you are then, you can begin to respect others, I am not only talking about the discreet gays who might dislike the effem types because of ‘inggit’ that they can freely be themselves, or those who think the effem types are giving the world the wrong idea that all gays are loud, and well… not so well mannered.
I am also talking about the effem types who whisper behind the discreet gays, calling him dishonest, in denial, etc. etc.
I think it depends each person, let people be. If they want to be out, then let them. If they want to be discreet, don’t judge them. They may have reasons, valid reasons or issues that the effems didn’t have to go through. Respect one another, in order to get the respect of the larger society.
Here are some stories that involves homophobia.
I think I was in second year college, when a friend told the barkada that a high school classmate (let’s call him Taurus) tried to do something weird with him. He was invited for an overnight inuman session, but after the others went to sleep, Taurus played porn. A few minutes later, Taurus started jerking off, and after a while, transferred near him and asked him to masturbate with him, even offering to give him a hand job and when he refused, Taurus reached for his zipper and would insist on giving our friend a hand job or even more. My friend walked out, and went to the bedroom where the others were and he pretended to sleep.
Taurus has always been suspected of being gay since high school, but he had girl friends to somehow prove otherwise. Upon hearing my friend’s story other people started talking. Another friend, (a straight one, let’s call him Cancer) shared how he woke up in the middle of the night, with Taurus’ hand in his briefs giving him a hand job not too long ago. Then Gemini, an effem friend, talked of how they did things, commenting that Gemini was supposed to be the gay guy, but Taurus insisted on playing with his tool, instead of him playing on Taurus’.
This is one story where an effem somehow showed dislike for the discreet gay, maybe because he was disappointed that he was used as a man, but even so, I think he didn’t have to announce it to the whole world. Taurus has since kept his distance from our high school batch, never joined any of our reunions, and somehow thinks that our batch still talks about him, saying nasty things about him.